Hoo boy. It’s time to slather yourself in mud, get to the
choppa, have no time to bleed, and crank out the rest of the lines, because
it’s Predator time.
Everyone knows the original film, as an epitome of
hypermuscled eighties testosterone. Arnie and pals go into the jungle, blazing
both their guns and Little Richard songs, before being butchered one by one by
an impossibly cool dreadlocked ugly motherfucker from outer space. In many ways,
the first Predator from 1987 works as a deconstruction of sorts of the
gloriously meatheaded action films of the time—think about it. The heroes
simply raking their line of sight with bullets fails miserably, their firepower
proves outmatched and impotent, and ultimately, only by the skin of his teeth
and by careful planning and improvisation does Arnold even stand a chance
against the even bigger and more muscled mandibled mofo. It’s that sort of
thing that makes it work on several levels for me.
Predator 2 is dismissed by some, but I enjoy it more or less
as much as the original. It’s sort of trashy, but it gives you exactly what you
want—bloody violence, grizzled hardasses trying just to figure out what they’re
dealing with, and finally, Danny Glover desperately just trying to stay alive
in one on one combat of man versus space beast. The claustrophobia of the
jungle is replaced by scummy streets torn apart by cops and crims, and it’s
great scifi grindhouse entertainment far as I’m concerned. Notably, it gave us
just a little extra glimpse at the culture of the titular aliens that provided
hooks for dozens of comic books and videogames in the years that came.
Things stumbled with the Aliens vs Predator movies—you’d
think that adding even more toothy critters would up the entertainment factor,
but the first one in 2004 was just kind of boring and mediocre, and the second
in 2007 is literally one of my least favorite films of all time. I knew the
characters and story would suck, but it couldn’t even get the monster fights
right—and it was all made in this unwatchable style as if the cameraman was
having a seizure. While the lights were turned down no less.
2010’s Predators, Robert Rodriguez’s crack at things, was
alright. Mostly hewing to the original as these kinds of throwbacks do, but it
once again gave the bloody jungle violence you’d expect. Fans mostly considered
it fine but nothing too special, and from there considered the series dormant
at best…until Shane Black, one of the actors in the original, returns to give
us The Predator. A title that’s already sort of wonky as there’s more than one
Predator here, but oh well.
Shane Black’s had some success with comedic action films
like Iron Man 3 and The Nice Guys, so while I had some trepidations, I had to
admit I was curious. Then, eventually, I got wind of studio reshoots…which
become all too apparent here. But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself.
In comparison to the other films, the storyline’s a bit
complicated here. For the others, you had straightforward setups—Predators come
here or bring us to them, they hunt, people get killed, people fight back.
Sequels mixed it up with government agencies in the mix or rival Predator
clans, but this one goes totally off the wall with all of that mixed in as one,
including utterly nonsensical stuff about genetic engineering and global warming
and evolution of man and oh dear god is this a mess.
The film doesn’t really bother with subtlety or setup,
diving straight in with a Predator arriving in a jungle shootout involving Boyd
Holbrook as a US Army sniper. After a bloody close encounter, Holbrook is
caught after mailing some of the alien’s gear to his autistic son…who has a
bigger role in this than you may think, and not in a good way. Suffice it to
say the film has a hilariously bizarre view of what autism actually is, and
factors it into a twist that had me rolling in hysterics when I realized what
it actually was.
Anyway, Holbrook finds himself alongside a unit of mentally
afflicted veterans, most notably Keegan-Michael Key of Key and Peele fame as a
joke-spewing swearing loon. These characters can be entertaining to watch, but
there’s a problem in having everyone be an over-the-top goof in that when
everyone’s goofy, it’s hard to stand out as such. There’s some effort to
develop them, but it’s all sort of haphazard and harmed by the obvious
re-edits.
In any case, they team up with female scientist Olivia Munn
as the crashed Predator escapes government captivity. This is the best part of
the film—it’s just a group of misfit soldiers stalking suburbia trying to
locate a killer alien, while ruthless agencies close in. Had the film mostly
focused on this, I would’ve enjoyed it consistently as a silly and meatheaded
romp—and then a genetically engineered uber-predator shows up, as the trailers
spoiled. In all honesty, with this muscled thing running around in just
gauntlets and space underwear, he looks more like a Predator Chippendale than
anything else, and just adds to the bizarre, hilariously messy nature of it
all.
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| You won't be able to un-see it! |
Strange revelations and plot ideas keep piling up throughout
the last third—the film seems to playing a challenge with itself to trick the
audience into thinking that any given scene is as silly as it gets. There’s
some cool and brutal moments, but they’re mixed in with butchery of science and
common sense. It’s enough to distract you from re-edit issues, like the crew
getting grenade launchers pretty much out of nowhere, or what the hell is up
with the hideous Predator-dogs.
The effects are…mixed. There’s some good practical gore at
the start and the costume of the first Predator is very cool, but there’s CGI
in the latter half that looks straight out of the 90s—once again, you feel the
hand of studio reshoots that we’ll probably never comprehend.
And then comes the last scene. Just when the movie makes you
think you’ve seen it all, it trumps itself with yet more silly silliness that
just leaves you watching the end credits dumbfounded.
So yeah, that’s this movie in a nutshell. Appropriately, the
fourth Predator movie turns out like the fourth Alien one—bizarre, dumb, and
kooky, but with some fun to be had just from the sheer goofiness of it all. If
you want a serious, well-crafted picture, avoid this one, because this is
something you’ll want to watch tipsy at least. It’s not outright awful as
Aliens vs Predator, but this is the type of flick that needs that special kind
of dumb movie mood.
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