Remember that disaster movie trend that lasted from about the mid-nineties with things like Twister and Armageddon to the early 2000s? Here’s one of those films that arguably killed off that trend, by taking to a logical extreme of complete silliness. And yet, there is one little thing that distinguishes it from other scripts apparently written someone mashing their face into a keyboard—here’s my take on Jon Amiel’s The Core, and let’s see how deep this one digs itself.
The premise of the film is that the Earth’s magnetic core has begun to stop spinning, with cataclysmic consequences afoot, for…reasons. Well, okay, they do shoehorn in an explanation later, but that wasn’t there in earlier drafts, which makes this a daring disaster film to have its catastrophe ensue for the gripping cause of NO APPARENT REASON!! Anyhoo, that isn’t the end of our hilarity, as earlier on we have a scene set in Trafalgar Square where some change in the magnetic field turns all the pigeons there into manic kamikaze pigeons! No, I’m not making that up, they even have buses overturn and crash because of the attacking killer birdies and everything!
At this point, you’re either turning the film off or you’re in hysterical laughter, and you wanna see where the silly train goes from here.
Thankfully, we have only the most handsome scientists on hand to save the day, with our lead played by Aaron Echkhart, who is called on to explain to the US government why the premise of the film is in fact impossible. You see, as ridiculous as it is, there is an undercurrent of self-awareness in the script, with characters noting that the situation is, in fact, rather ridiculous. In fact, there is a feeling that the screenwriter may in fact be playing up the ridiculousness—and this gives it a feel that simply wasn’t there in things made by Michael Bay or Roland Emmerich.
For instance, our characters then proceed to meet a scientist played by Delroy Lindo, who has invented lasers that can cut through anything and a material that sneers at thermodynamics—and is still putzing around in a desert lab for some reason, despite being a verifiable wizard. Here, they throw up their hands and call this magic material ‘unobtanium’ several years before James Cameron did likewise.
More hilarity ensures when they recruit a single random nerd to hack the entire internet! Yeah, it wasn’t quite as massive in 2003, but it would take a lot more than a dude with Windows XP and never-ending gatorade, I think. Oh, but we’re not done here—we have a scene where lightning ravages Rome, with evil killer bolts actively chasing people down the street, before blowing up the Colosseum on account of it being made of that infamously conducive material, stone! I’m not sure how seriously we’re meant to take this, but because of that it is somewhat memorable in its own right.
Anyhoo, our team is joined by of course the token lady (Hillary Swank), and their mission to one-up Jules Verne by kickstarting the center of the Earth with—how else—nuclear warheads goes as well as you’d expect. As in, things get pear-shaped in the first few minutes with tidal currents or something. After that, we’re treated to dives through masses of CGI orange, while they bump into everything from country-sized diamonds to whatever else the directors can pull out of their skulls. By far the most entertaining actor here is Stanley Tucci, playing the arrogant know-it-all, who really makes the most of every frame to max out his smarminess.
But despite the maybe unintentional hilarity, things do feel a bit stretched out by the end, with it all going as predictably as you’d imagine. By this point in time, the disaster formula was well-established, so I feel the writers were trying to sneak in their own little digs and snarks under the noses of directors, but when you have a premise like this, it’s no wonder that the genre’s resurgence began to fade. It’s made occasional comebacks, like 2012, and even the occasional surprise, like the recent entry Greenland, distinguishing itself by actually trying to have characters you care about. Either way, there’s no need to rush out to see The Core—beyond a few chuckles, or reminding yourself that even when given the short stick as far as Hollywood writing assignments go, you might still have some fun…
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