“GET YOUR AHS TO MAHS!”
Not too long ago, we had the thirtieth anniversary of one of my all-time favorite Arnie-starring cheesefests—that is also, oxymoronically, actually rather interestingly written. Simultaneously, we have all the tendon-shredding gore we had in Robocop, nudity that goes to the power of three if you know what I mean, and bad guys who chew up scenery like it’s made of luxuriant beef—and yet there’s enough for the viewer to be constantly questioning the actual nature of the blood-soaked insanity before them, in a good way. It’s the second of Paul Verhoeven’s scifi trilogy—I’m talkin’ Total Recall.
Written initially by Dan Bannon of Alien fame, Total Recall is an adaptation of a Philip K Dick story much as Blade Runner was—although, apart from very broad themes and some names, it’s only really similar if you tilt your head and squint a lot. Bannon’s dark cynicism was balanced by Verhoeven’s satirical sensibilities, which, as we see in Robocop, can be described as no less sardonic, but more willing to have bodies explode in ridiculous ways while grinning and saying ‘what’? Combine this with the Olympian screen presence of Schwarzenegger, and we’re only just getting started on this nuttiness.
Compared to Robocop and others, the world of Total Recall is only vaguely explored—there’s offhand mentions of a conflict between two world polar blocks, and the resources of Mars are integral to this, or something. Either way, we get introduced to construction worker Douglas Quiad, played by Arnie himself, and his wife Lori (Sharon Stone), who definitely has too much fun drumming on his pecs on the morning. Quiad has vague dreams that soon bring him to Rekall, a firm that ‘sells memories’, where he seeks to seemingly live out his fantasies of being a secret agent on Mars.
Of course, very soon, actual secret agents start barging in, and Quiad finds himself having to unleash the skull-busting action chops we want from Arnie—but even so, there’s all sorts of hints and foreshadowing sprinkled around the early act that reward the attentive eye. You’re soon never sure if Quiad is really going through this, or if he’s still squirming in his chair at Rekall, as there’s enough of that upfrontly eerie coincidence going on. Sure, some can say things are slightly muddied by the cuts to scenes where he isn’t present, but that could just well be his brain ‘filling in the gaps’—as actual dreams and self-delusions are wont to do.
And to others, it doesn’t really matter, as the film is still heaps of schlocky fun without all that. The effects are darn well done and creative for the time—we get a fight in front of an X-ray screen, kamikaze robot cabbies, eyeballs bursting on the surface of Mars, cave clashes against drill dozers, the works. Even beside Arnie spouting one-liners, the rest of the cast is a whole load of fun—Michael Ironside and Ronny Cox are gleeful shit-spewing bad guys, and Rachel Ticotin is also a spunky female sidekick that was pretty common in Arnie films around this time. The model work of the cities of Mars is a sight to behold, and bearing in mind this was before the CG revolution, a lot of the shots and composition here really is spectacular.
The best thing is that Verhoeven never rests on his laurels throughout, always upping the craziness, the scale, and even how far the narrative is willing to question himself. One absolute favorite for me is this little scene, not long after Quiad starts tricking the bad guy peons with a hologram:
In short, Total Recall’s great, and a perfect example of an action movie that can be enjoyed on a multitude of levels. Me talking about it more would devolve into going by every scene and saying ‘that’s awesome’ or ‘that’s hilarious’. You don’t have to take my word for it—even erudite theorists like Dr. Francis Fukuyama even went as far as to screen the movie before big-shot Washington thinktanks! Of course, more wine and laughs might’ve accompanied that meeting than usual, but you get the gist.
The legacy of the film is mixed—a sequel based on another Philip K Dick story was planned, stayed in development hell, and eventually became Spielberg’s Minority Report. The tone is very different, but it’s also a good one. However, as time goes on, I struggle to imagine a big-budget violent mindscrew like Total Recall being made now…and I can prove it, because of the existence of the mediocre as hell 2012 remake. Less Total Recall, and more Total Boredom. Subtract the hints questioning the events constantly, subtract Schwarzenegger, subtract the hilarity, and you’re left with a banal pic with subpar action—well, in all fairness it had some neat art design, and some cool killer robots, but not much else going for it.
Still, all the more reason to the stick to the original. Even the DVD commentary is hilarious—you have Arnie and Paul with their thick Austrian and Dutch accents riffing on the scenes therein in their own, ah, styles, to this effect:
Arnie: “Ah, here I am as der konstruktion vorker, KONSTRAKTING various things!”
Paul: “Of coursch, maybe itsch real, or maybe it ischn’t, izznit?”
End of the day—it’s a favorite of mine, get your ass to a copy and see it if you haven’t, I guarantee at least a few grins. It's the kind of movie where everyone goes away with one bit to remember, in the way you just gotta love.
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